


As the Sun Sleeps

by orphan_account



Category: Suikoden Tierkreis
Genre: Angst and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-03
Updated: 2012-03-03
Packaged: 2017-11-01 01:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tenkai star is tasked with staying too strong for too long, and Sieg is no exception.  Post-Game hurt/comfort/angst thing.  Major spoilers.  Don't say I didn't warn ya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As the Sun Sleeps

Despite his age, Sieg was an excellent leader for the Star Bearer Company. Jale always knew that he would be, as he always found some way to meet, and often beat his expectations. Sieg was headstrong and persistent, not one to compromise his ideals, even if they seemed farfetched at first. Many world leaders owed him their lives as a result of that persistence. Their battle for the future was won, and now Sieg, Jale and the others spent their days helping Cynas, Pharamond, and other places torn by the Order rebuild. 

Another thing that made Sieg a great leader was that he knew how to put on the face of one. A leader that dwelled on his own misfortune, his own grief and sadness, was not something that did the morale of the company any good. Sieg's lapses into sadness were always short-lived, though Jale noticed how glassy his eyes were whenever Dirk's name popped up, or even Cougar's. For them, though, he couldn't avert those eyes from the prize, which was the very future of their world. He had no time to grieve. There were only so many tears he could shed before it was time to head straight back into the fray. It was a shame, really. Another thing the company appreciated about him was his very genuine love for his friends and comrades. 

Jale mostly kept his mouth shut and his eyes open regarding Sieg's emotional state. He was completely focused and dedicated to his cause. That's what kept him going. That's what made him fine. 

Things slowly started to change after they defeated the One King. 

For instance, Sieg insisted on remaining in Castle Flesaria, which he called "home." He called it home in such a way that lead Jale to believe it was more than just some ruins at which the company set up base. It wasn't the type of thing Sieg himself would dwell on, but Jale happened to be there when Atrie spoke of the baby the castle's former lord lost. Perhaps it was just a coincidence. Perhaps not, though. Whatever the case may be, if this was what Sieg called "home" now, then it was what Jale called home as well. Marica, and even Jale's mother decided to stay, too. 

That was fine and all. It was a perfect home. There was plenty of food, water, shelter, and work to be done. The rest of the country still relied on their assistance, and Sieg was always happy to oblige. He kept himself busy, and he kept on smiling. 

He had also become clumsy. Now, Sieg wasn't as agile, or adept with his fists, or movements as Jale was, but he had enough strength and vitality to make up for it. However, there was a time he nearly collapsed taking care of monsters on the Ch'ouli Mountains. He never did like snow, but he tripped about and swung his staff almost as though he were blind, and Marica had to be the one to take it out with a few well-placed arrows to the eyes. She lectured him for a bit on being an idiot, and he just smiled and apologized.

That's when Jale first noticed the bags under Sieg's eyes. 

It made sense of the questionable compliments he received. Sieg only saw Queen Chrodechild and King Shams every so often, and they always commented that he looked older, somehow. He had turned eighteen recently, so he was already well into manhood by the standards of the Citro Village, especially now that he had established himself as a hero of the Infinity. However, Jale himself didn't really notice such a change. Perhaps Sieg had grown a bit taller, and perhaps his features had a sharper edge to them, though he still lacked facial hair. Why he seemed "older" to anyone eluded Jale, though it was technically true. They all were getting older. 

But when Jale first saw those eyes, he knew. Actually, he knew it in Sieg's body language, too. Sieg's reaction time was off. He was sluggish. His shoulders were tense. Also, he was frustrated. Too frustrated to focus at times, as though just as irritated with his own movements as the enemy at hand. He didn't seem older. He seemed off. Those eyes of his, they didn't suggest maturity anymore than his careless fighting did. They suggested descent, as though he were sick and trying to hide it. 

Hiding it was not necessary now, but Jale knew Sieg. He didn't like to make a big deal out of his problems. When they were kids it was because he didn't want Sisuca fussing over him. He made a point to hide any bruise and scraped knee that he could. He also tried to hide whenever he had a cold, or a stomach bug, because both Sisuca and Marica would confine him to bed, and Jale and Liu together couldn't even take both of them to bust Sieg out. And they tried, too. Jale found it nearly impossible to say no to Sieg's pleading gaze at times. 

"I'm gonna get some shuteye now. G'night!" said Sieg, upon returning from the mountains. The sun hadn't quite set yet, and they didn't even stop for stew, so he must have been tired. He closed the door behind him in haste. 

Jale and Marica stood behind it for a moment or two, staring hard into the wooden barrier between them in their friend, as though a look alone could tear it down. They supposed that, if that were the case, Sieg would have come out and told them what was wrong from the get-go. The two of them walked away in unison, and once halfway toward the Grand Hall Marica was the first to speak up.

"There's something wrong with him," she said, never one to beat around the bush. 

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed," said Jale, looking over his shoulder once more toward Sieg's closed door. "He seems exhausted." 

"Yeah. Maybe he's stressed out? It's hard to tell with him." She crossed her arms and glared toward his door, as though his ailment somehow offended her. Jale could understand the feeling.  
Their rooms were tucked in a section just left of the hall, and they figured they were home for the day, so they might as well get comfortable. That is, until they spotted a very familiar figure, tall, awkward, and topped off with pale green hair. Liu had returned, and Len-Lien was beside him as always. The two of them spotted their dear friends, and Jale and Marica dashed up toward them.

"Len-Lien! Long time, so see," said Marica, excited for some female company. She was normally too busy butting heads with boys to get particularly close with any girls from the Citro Village, so it was nice that she and Len-Lien hit it off so well. 

"It's good to see you, Marica," said Len-Lien. 

"Well, hello to you, too, Marica," said Liu defensively, as she didn't even take the time to so much as look at him. He was kidding, of course, but she punched him in the arm anyway. Only Marica could get away with that in Len-Lien's presence. 

"We weren't expecting you back so soon. What's up?" said Jale, who thought that this couldn't have been better timing. Sieg would be thrilled to see Liu, and he seemed like he could use some good news. 

"Just thought I'd make sure my buddy didn't run this place into the ground without me," he said with a laugh. Sieg did a great job keeping the castle and the company intact. He always did a great job in everything he did for others, and it seemed to give him a tremendous amount of satisfaction. These days, though, it didn't seem like it was enough, if his current state didn't suggest as much. Liu noticed Jale and Marica's gazes waver and roll toward some inconsequential crack in the floor. He stopped laughing immediately and asked, "What's wrong?" 

"We don't know," said Jale. It was the truth. 

"Where is Sieg, anyway?" asked Liu. 

"He went to bed," said Marica, as though the thought didn't sit right with her. And it really didn't. 

"Len and I should be getting back to Cynas as soon as we can. Hate to ask, but could you go get him, Jale? It's kinda important." 

"Is that really such a good idea?" said Marica. 

Jale nodded. "I'll be back." 

Liu was Sieg's tactician during the war, so the two of them spent a lot of time together in battle, perhaps more than any other two people had. If there was something wrong with Sieg, chances are Liu would be able to tell what was up, and may even suggest a way it might be fixed. It was worth a try. Besides, Sieg would be really upset if he missed an opportunity to see Liu. Between Cynas, the scribes, and this place, Liu's obligations were many and varied, even more so than Sieg's. It was a wonder that their cowardly companion could take on so much. Like Sieg, though, he managed to come through whenever necessary. 

Jale reached Sieg's door. It was never locked, though when Maybelle was still around it ought to have been. The thought left a rotten taste in Jale's mouth, but he shook it off and proceeded with the task at hand. The moon had just come out, a final strip of orange twilight fading beyond the horizon. It barely helped to make the shapes of Sieg's face discernable in the growing darkness. 

Sieg used to sleep deeply at night. His light snores would fill the air the moment his head hit the pillow, and nothing short of an earthquake would rouse him. This was especially problematic for Marica in their younger days, when throwing pillows at him only seemed to make the snoring louder. 

His sleeping had become much lighter since, having forced himself to be up at the drop of a hat when necessary. Such was the life of a soldier. Even so, he would sleep peacefully when he could. 

What Jale walked in on was anything but peaceful, though. Sieg's brow was beaded in sweat, he was forcing air in and out of his lungs, and he gripped the sheets like his life depended on it. Was he in pain? Jale placed his hand on Sieg's shoulder and gave it a few good shakes. It seemed to calm him, though it took a moment for him to force his eyes open. Jale shook him more, and Sieg batted his hand aside. He hated waking up, but this was important. 

"Wuzzuh... " Sieg grumbled, pulling himself up. "Damn... head hurts... " 

"You were having a nightmare, I think," said Jale, but Sieg wouldn't look up at him. He seemed to be considering laying back down, because that's what he always did. That was why Marica was often charged with the task of rousing their great leader. Jale was a sucker and often let his friend sleep in. Liu was almost as bad, if he weren't the last to wake up himself that is. Marica showed no mercy for any of them. Perhaps Liu didn't actually want to push the issue. Even so, "Liu's here. He wants to see you." 

"Can it wait til morning?" said Sieg, nursing his apparently sore head in his palm. Jale was about to tell him yes, but he sensed the others filing into the room. Marica lit the lantern, and the sudden onslaught of light made Sieg cringe. Perhaps that wasn't such a good idea. 

"You didn't hop at the opportunity to come see me. Well, neither did Marica, but you're supposed to be on my side," said Liu, placing a hand on his best friend's shoulder. Sieg looked up at him, forcing a smile. That was a smile that melted worries. The one that made everything OK. Too bad for him, it was one that wouldn't deceive his three closest friends, especially not Liu. 

"Sorry. Some damn monster poisoned me earlier. Tryin' ta sleep it off, ya jerks," said Sieg with a few hollow laughs. 

"Right," said Liu, placing his hands on his hips. He wasn't convinced. 

Gradually Sieg was becoming more and more alert with banter. He and Liu caught up, with Liu doing most of the talking. Jale found it difficult to pay attention to everything Liu had to say, because he was too focused on Sieg who was slouching, and losing focus every so often. He complained of a headache, which Jale could understand. They all had experienced being poisoned at one time or another, and where antitoxins were quick to flush the lethal substance out of the blood, joint, stomach, and head pain often still remained. He wondered, though, if Sieg would have been so quick to sleep otherwise, considering what Jale had walked in on. Did he have those nightmares often?

"Startin' ta feel kinda nauseous," said Sieg, laying back down. 

"You should see a doctor," said Liu. 

"No way." Sieg's attempt to curb the issue was half-hearted at best, or perhaps he wanted to avoid speaking too loud. Liu asked Len-Lien to grab Eunice anyway, who specialized in cures for poison, among other things. Eunice was also a lot less likely to make Sieg mad than Zahra. He already seemed irritated. "You're over-reacting. A little headache and nausea ain't nothin'." 

"When it's you, 'a little headache and nausea' is usually a lot more than nothing," said Marica, arms crossed as she glared down at him. Any argument he might of had died on the tip of his tongue. She wasn't having it. "Just be glad Sisuca's not here." 

"All right, all right," said Sieg, waving her off. "If it'll make you guys shut up." 

"What seems to be the problem?" Eunice asked, as she entered the room with Len-Lien. That was awfully fast, though Len-Lien usually made a point to do whatever she could to please Liu. Well, not just Liu anymore. She seemed to want to be a part of the group as a whole now, though any friend of Liu already was if you asked Jale. 

"Just tryin' ta sleep off an antitoxin," said Sieg dismissively. "Hate to waste your time, Eunice." 

"Don't be silly," she said, ordering him to remove his shirt. She asked everyone to leave the room, as she'd brought everything she needed to give him a full physical examination. Though they obliged, they were hardly quiet about it. They headed toward the Grand Hall, where they could speak. 

"What do you suppose is ailing Lord Sieg, Liu-Shen?" asked Len-Lien. 

"Beats me. If Jale and Marica couldn't figure it out, then I'm no use. I don't see him all that much anymore." 

"It's a pity we can't stay," she said. "I know you'll be worried." 

"Not really," said Liu. "That guy always manages to pull himself together." 

"If nothing else he has us," said Jale. 

"He always did," said Marica. "But now he's like this. What are we gonna do?" 

"We won't know until Eunice is finished," said Jale, and thus started the waiting game. 

It took Eunice close to an hour to finish up with Sieg, which was a lot longer than a normal physical should have taken. She met his four concerned friends in the Grand Hall, the only place she picked up the sound of voices. It was all they could do not to swarm her, and she appreciated the fact that they didn't. 

"I cannot disclose anything Lord Sieg and I have discussed, you understand.

"I can and will say, though, for the sake of his safety and yours, that he is suffering from anxiety, as well as fatigue. It's quite common, actually. I recommend that he returns home for awhile and gets lots of rest." 

\---

"You jerk," said Sieg, bumping his fist against the bruise Marica left on Liu's arm the previous night. He wasn't sorry either. "You said you had to go right back to Cynas. Liar." 

"Luo-Tao and Hao-Shi have it covered," said Liu, rubbing his arm disdainfully. "Someone has to hold down the fort while you're gone, right?" 

"What are ya blabberin' about?" He crossed his arms and raised a brow. "Wait. I know what you're thinkin'. That I should head back to Citro Village like Eunice said, right?"

"I'll go with you," said Jale. 

"No chance. I'll go back for a bit if it'll make y'all happy, but you guys gotta stay here and help Liu out." 

"No we don't," said Marica, brows furrowed. Little good that did, though, because Sieg was too stubborn to listen. It was a wonder he even agreed to go back at all. Eunice probably spent that whole hour trying to cram it into that thick skull of his, not that they'd ever know. 

"My mind's made up. How long can you really stick around, man?" 

"I should get going right before flower season at latest," said Liu. That was pretty typical of him. He hated fighting, and the monsters that came about during flower season were the worst, especially thanks to the appearance of Rarohenga. They started to cross breed with monsters of this world, causing the monster population to not only soar, but to become more fierce and more ugly than ever, especially around Cynas. It was no wonder Liu didn't like to leave it behind for too long, but lots of strong people were helping out. Liu was just as well off here than there, though he had his responsibility toward the scribes to think of as well.

"Alrighty. That gives me a couple of weeks to play with. Thanks for the vacation, I guess." 

And just like that, Sieg took off from the castle's south exit where Liu and the others saw him off. Jale still stared ahead even moments after his figure disappeared into the woods, not budging. Liu, Len-Lien, and Marica were waiting for him, all ready to head back into the castle, but Jale took no notice of them at all. That was, until Marica spoke up. 

"You're gonna follow him, aren't you?" she said. 

"Only through the Flesaria Forest. Any objections?" 

"To be honest," said Liu, looking satisfied. "The only reason I don't follow him myself is because I knew you would." 

"Yeah," said Marica. "Don't let him catch you, though. He won't like that." 

"Don't worry. Unlike you guys, I know how to keep my mouth shut." 

And with that, Jale dashed off toward the forest, intent on catching up with Sieg. 

\---

At first the monsters in this area weren't tough by any means. Sieg took out dozens, his movements far less off-kilter than they were previously, though if Jale had to hazard a guess he'd say Eunice gave him some sort of drug to help him sleep the previous night. He was up earlier than usual, though. Jale and Selen were usually up before dawn toning their bodies and sparring. Neither of them wanted to lose to the other. That mother-son rivalry would eventually make this world's two greatest martial artists out of them. One thing they never expected to see was Sieg on the roof at sunrise taking a stroll, though. 

And he still seemed to be in the same miserable state if you asked Jale. He was just alert enough to suppress it. 

They managed to get halfway through the Flesaria Forest by nightfall, which was decent time. If they ran it was entirely possible to get there in a day's time, though Sieg had to save his energy for attacks, which he was running out of. 

That was when his moves became careless.

He ended up in a pincer strike between two fully grown raparo birds. Normally not even that was all that serious, but Sieg was alone, and he had been encountering monsters nonstop. World fusion made the number of monsters in this world pretty crazy, not to mention the disturbance made them more prone to attack. 

Sieg swung his staff at the nearest bird and missed, squinting and grunting as though his head pained him once more. The second one came up behind him and ripped at his right shoulder blade with its talons. There was blood, but nothing fatal. Sieg tried to call upon the marks of the stars to help him close the bleeding wound, but cursed when he realized that his magic reserves were as low as his physical energy. He had no time to reach into his bag, and he'd become dizzy.

This was exactly why Jale trailed him. He leaped from the brush at once and pounded those birds into the ground with his fists. One died upon contact, and the other one managed to take off. Sieg fell to his knees at that moment while clutching his bleeding shoulder. 

"What the hell is up with these monsters?" he said, cringing at the trails of blood drying on his hand. "Ugh." 

"Let me take a look at it," said Jale, getting no argument from Sieg. He didn't even seem surprised that Jale was there. Perhaps he knew. He knew, but was too proud to let Jale know that he knew. He seemed to want to make a point to prove himself, which didn't even work in the end anyway. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew when he was outmatched. 

Sieg had to remove his armor and shirt, which he wound up having to do with Jale's help. Lifting that bad arm up over his head was a chore, so Jale made quick work of it. Then Jale grabbed his flask of fresh rainwater and cleaned and dressed Sieg's shoulder wound to the best of his ability. Sieg took a swig of mega medicine, which took the edge off painwise, though the talon scratches were still jagged, red, and angry. Once clean, Jale bandaged the whole upper arm, and propped it in a makeshift sling with additional bandages to still the arm so the wounds could close properly. It would need additional medical attention, but that could wait until they reached Citro Village. There was no point in heading back to the castle, as it was now farther away than the village. 

"First I owe Marica one, now you. My debt's gonna be up to my ears at this rate." 

"That's what friends are for, you know." 

"Yeah, yeah." Sieg took a swig of water from his own flask, then let out a breath. "I had a hunch someone would be followin' me." 

"You don't seem too bothered by it." 

"No point in bein' bothered by it. You did what you thought was right, and it worked out. Thanks, by the way." 

Sieg's word of thanks troubled Jale. On one hand, it did fit Sieg's line of thinking to a T. He could have been in serious trouble if Jale hadn't stepped in. On the other hand, the tone of his gratitude was almost disappointed. He didn't seem disappointed in Jale's decision to tail him, so then what else could there be? Marica was right, it was difficult to tell with him. 

Before Sieg got it in his head to press forward, Jale pointed out that the sun was setting, and the two of them had an excellent source of food. They also wound up in a clearing that lent itself well to building a fire, so it was a good place to rest. Fortunately Sieg was in no great hurry, and obliged without putting much thought into it. Thinking didn't seem to be at the top of Sieg's can do list lately, and he seemed to disdainfully arrive at that conclusion. Nevertheless, it was nice. Jale built the fire and roasted the raparo bird over it while Sieg tended to it with his free hand. He even tossed a handful of grass into the pit to keep monsters at bay. That was a trick Dirk taught them, if they ever got lost in the valley. 

Now that it was a forest, it took more grass to keep the monsters away, but it was easier to find at least. 

"At least you're better at cookin' than Marica is," said Sieg with a chuckle, gladly receiving his portion. It was difficult to eat it one-handed, even if it was just the thigh. He was getting the juice all over his face and chest, just like a stupid little kid. Not to mention it was getting cold, and he had no shirt. Good thing he packed a blanket.

The stars were out by the time they finished their meal. Sieg managed to eat a lot, and managed to wear a lot as well. He grabbed his blood-stained shirt from the ground to wipe it all off, then tossed it into the fire. It wasn't like he'd be wearing that ratty old thing again. 

Jale got his hands on the blanket and draped it around Sieg's shoulders. It was only big enough for one of them. Sieg still insisted that if they huddled together just close enough they might be able to manage, but try as they might Jale just couldn't get it around his shoulder. The proximity, he realized, was also pretty awkward. Sieg's good arm was around his shoulders, and Jale's snaked around his waist. It was enough to get his heart going, perhaps more so than taking out that raparo bird earlier. 

Before he could lose his composure, Jale slid the blanket back over Sieg and smiled. "Thanks anyway." 

"Don't go nowhere, then. I'll feel bad if ya catch cold." 

"I'll be fine." 

Sieg's good hand poked out from under the blanket and reached for Jale's. He fumbled trying to lace his fingers through Jale's. His reasoning was that he wanted to keep at least some part of his friend warm, though there was nothing warm about Sieg's hand. It was as cold as it was calloused, him having spent so many years trying to master various weapons. Even so, Jale enjoyed his gesture, though that enjoyment had nothing to do with their current predicament. He just liked being close to Sieg. He liked hearing him speak, seeing him smile, making great things happen. He was the living embodiment of sunlight. Just being there well and safe was enough to keep Jale warm. 

Once Sieg fell asleep, Jale got up. He stayed awake most of the night tending to the fire while Sieg was propped against the nearest tree. He wandered in and out of sleep about four times, and on the fourth he said it was useless, and told Jale to sleep instead. He handed Jale the blanket and sat as close to the fire as was safe, tossing in more wood and poking at it with a wet stick. Jale only wanted to rest for two hours at most, reasoning that he would make up for it once they reached the village. Sieg let him sleep more like four hours, maybe. He intended to let Jale sleep more, actually, but then that headache returned. Perhaps he was staring at the bright fire too long, or maybe he ate too much, or maybe, just maybe he slept too little, which he couldn't exactly help. 

Jale was stirred from his sleep by the sound of a cough, and repressed groaning. He cracked open an eye right toward the sound, and found Sieg's back to him. He was hunched over with his good arm pressed against a tree, breathing heavily, and... and now he appeared to be vomiting. At once Jale tossed aside his blanket and ran up toward Sieg, who was about to fall over. Jale guided him toward the ground and offered him water, but by the time the flask was pressed to his lips he lost consciousness. He was just too tired. It was causing his body to go haywire. 

"I'm getting you to the village as soon as possible," said Jale. He packed Sieg's blanket up and slung it around his shoulders. Then he wrapped one arm around Sieg's shoulders, trying to be gentle around the wounded area, the other arm around his legs, and lifted him off the ground. Jale was fast enough to outrun anything in this forest, which was what he had to do. Not too many monsters roamed about in the morning, so he didn't have to pick up the pace until the sun was overhead. From then on he did quite a bit of running, and felt his own body protest the assertion. Nevertheless, he pressed on and on until the village was in plain sight. 

\--- 

It was really warm. Whatever it was, it pooled through his bloodstream in gentle waves, hugging every molecule in his body. That pain in his head was gone. That sharp sting in his shoulder was but a dull ache now. It was like magic, and it was familiar to him.

Once he could piece feasible thoughts together, Sieg realized that it was magic. There was light fading from the top of his head, and those warm waves were gone. It didn't matter, though, because it was enough. On top of it all he could smell some good cooking, and he was real warm and happy. Somehow, though, that seemed strange. He didn't recall being real warm and happy before. The first thing he remembered was the castle. He left. Then Jale showed up. Then, well, Sieg was too tired to concentrate by then. There was a fight over a blanket, or something. 

He woke up in the main room of Elder Rajim's house, covered in soft blankets and feeling so much better. He sat up, and before he could blink Sisuca had appeared. She seated herself beside him and hugged him something fierce, like she thought she'd never see him again. 

"Mommy was so, so worried about you!" 

"What happened?" said Sieg. Normally he'd rag on Sisuca for the whole mom and fussing bit right away, but it must have taken a lot of magic out of her to heal him the way that she had. He supposed letting it slide every so often wouldn't kill him. It wasn't like she listened anyway. Besides, he could use his right arm again. He patted her on the back a couple of times with it before realizing. 

"Jale suddenly stopped by, and you were unconscious and beat up. What in the world have you been up to lately?" 

"It's no big deal." 

"Don't lie to your dear mother. It's not good for your health, or hers for that matter." 

"And how many times do I gotta tell ya that you ain't my mom!" 

Sisuca gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him to go take a bath. He only obliged because it was the one place where she wouldn't fuss over him. Even Sisuca had the decency to give him some privacy, not that he cared. He bathed with a whole bunch of people back at the castle, and often. He didn't have anything to hide really. 

That was just the way he saw things, though. When he walked into the bathroom he saw that Jale was already way ahead of him, which was fine. The bath at the elder's house was just big enough to fit two grown people, though if he knew Jale that guy would be doing his best not to look at Sieg at all. He still got kind of embarrassed about being naked in front of people, even after all this time. It wasn't like he had anything to be ashamed of. 

"Hey Jale, I'm comin' in," said Sieg, undoing the clasp on his pants. Someone had already removed his shoes and his bandages, probably Sisuca. He still didn't have a shirt of which to speak, but that was OK. It wasn't like he needed one at the moment. 

"You're finally awake," said Jale, staring off at nothing in particular until Sieg was seated across from him. Maybe it was the warm water, but he could have sworn that Jale's cheeks were pinker than usual. That, or he was embarrassed. Even so, he eventually caught Sieg's curious gaze and smiled. "You look a lot better. I'm glad." 

"What happened, anyway? I don't remember us getting here. How tired was I?" 

"You threw up, passed out, and slept for about nine hours." 

"You make it sound like I was drunk, or somethin'!" said Sieg with a pout. There actually was one incident where Sieg was prompted to try wine in Salsabil. He went straight to bed after two goblets worth, stumbling all the way as he ranted about old people that made him mad, and Ramin, who made him really mad. At least that was how Marica told it. Jale had missed that particular escapade, though he wasn't sure he'd be able to hold his wine any better. It just wasn't common practice to drink such things in Citro Village, so the appeal was a bit lost on most of them. Of course, since it was different Sieg had to try it at least once. Once was enough, apparently. 

"You were certainly out of it." 

"Which begs the question. How did we get here exactly? You carry me here?" 

"Yes." 

There was a pause, and the lack of a punchline all but knocked the air out of Sieg's lungs. 

"Wait, you serious? I only asked that as a joke!" 

He splashed some bath water toward Jale, and Jale splashed back. As kids they got so into splash fights that every little inch of the room, from the curtains to the ceiling, got wet. It would make the elder furious, but it was always worth it. 

"Let me see your shoulder," said Jale. 

"Huh? How come?" 

Jale just stared at him until he complied. Sieg was half tempted to stand up just to throw his easily embarrassed friend off guard, but even he could only be so rude. He turned enough to show Jale two long, thin, pink scars that ran across his skin. Sisuca did what she could. Healing magic was not conventional, and was only as efficient as its user. Sisuca was quite good, but the cuts were too deep. If he'd gotten stitches from a normal doctor then the scars may have been even uglier still. 

Jale traced his finger and thumb across those scars and sighed. If only he had accompanied Sieg from the get-go, but he wanted to respect his friend's wish to face whatever it was that bothered him on his own. Sieg had certainly established himself as an accomplished problem solver and fighter. Through the turmoil, he managed to make the best decisions for everyone. However, Sieg wasn't perfect. There was going to be a time where he didn't make such a good decision, and then... what? Jale knew there was no use in thinking of what that raparo bird might have done if he weren't there to intervene. Even so, he managed to have an inkling of guilt gnawing at his heart anyway.

"Y-you ever think about cuttin' your hair?" said Sieg out of the blue. It snapped Jale out of his little trance, prompting him to drop his hand from those scars. Sieg didn't mean to startle him with such a random question, but the look in his eyes was really misty and down. It was hard to look at him, so he switched his attention from the face to the hair. Jale had his hat off and his hair down, and it occurred to Sieg that it must have been as long as Marica's hair by now. Was this some sort of contest? It wasn't anything he had ever thought about before, but it was off-topic and that's all that mattered. 

"To be honest, no," said Jale, grasping at a few strands. It was hard to imagine a point in time where Jale's hair wasn't long. Usually it was Sisuca that had to trim it, but she never cut it short the way she did for Sieg, or Liu. "Should I?" 

"It's up to you. Heh, but I like it. If it weren't for all those big muscles you could pass for a cute girl, haha." 

He expected Jale to deck him in the arm or something, but he just chuckled quietly and said, "I'll take that as a compliment." 

"Aww, c'mon. You were supposed ta get mad." 

"I figured as much." 

Sieg wound up being the one to get mad at the end of that one. He'd eat steel if he made a comment like that at someone like Roberto, and it would have been worth it. Jale knew him just a bit too well, though, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. He felt lighter somehow, and it was still pretty funny. It wasn't just funny, though, it was true. Jale was a really attractive guy. Long hair, tan skin, well-built. Women liked him. He didn't seem to reciprocate, though, which was kind of a relief. Sieg also didn't reciprocate such feelings for his own female admirers. It wasn't like he meant any offense by it. He just wasn't into women all that much. 

He thought that might be something interesting to talk about, but the words never came really. He and Jale mostly sat in silence washing up, and Sieg was the first to get dressed and walk out. Jale would want his privacy. There must have been something up with that, getting all embarrassed around naked people. Or was it just naked guys? Obviously Jale had nothing to hide. He was gorgeous. Well, maybe that was too strong a word. Now Sieg was the one getting embarrassed. It was obviously time to answer the lure of the smell of Sisuca's cooking and forget all about this. Also, he needed a shirt.

\--- 

Jale smiled as Sieg patted his full stomach. He seemed right back at home already, just like old times. The village itself was less crowded than the castle these days, and the air was so much cleaner. Of course their stay wouldn't be too long, a week at most. They couldn't exactly hold Liu up forever, though he was probably reveling at the opportunity to be back at the castle. Jale had been to Cynas a few times since the defeat of the One King and it was pretty depressing, to say the least. Perhaps they all needed a break. 

"Guess everyone's in for the night. That's too bad. I really wanted to say hi," said Sieg, strolling through town toward his lodging. It wasn't too far off. He could still see the elder's place in the distance, but it was very much his own. Some of the village kids were tasked with keeping it tidy, as Sieg was open to letting outsiders use it as a temporary rest spot if need be. Citro didn't get too many visitors, aside from traveling merchants, but it was always good to have a spot. They just hoped that it wasn't occupied at the moment, or they'd be spending the night with Sisuca and the elder. 

Lucky for them, the only person there to greet them was Ko, who'd been sweeping the last of the dust away. He waved at Sieg and Jale, and asked them all sorts of questions about the company, and when he'd be old enough to join up. Sieg supposed Ko was now technically as old as Nhazu was when he joined, but he knew the boy's mom would kill him if he said that. Technically Ko was already doing his part keeping this old place clean, so Sieg patted him on the head and thanked him. 

"Ya gotta master your weapons, ya know. Maybe Marica can help. She's the best outta all of us. She don't flaunt it much, but she could bulldoze through a line of Auster Folk now if she wanted, hehe." 

"Wow... " said Ko, his eyes so wide it was a wonder they didn't fall out of his head. "But everyone says that you're the best." 

"Well shucks, but it just ain't true. There's always someone better. That's what Dirk used to tell us, right Jale?" 

"Yeah... " he said, recalling quite a few times Dirk had said that actually. Most of the time it was directed toward Jale specifically, who grew up frustrated that his mother exceeded him in strength so much. 

"I should get going, or mom's gonna be mad. Bye!" Ko took off just like that, and Sieg really wouldn't be surprised if Marica got a request within the week. It wasn't like he was lying. Something about seeing that other Marica fight really got her blood boiling, and the more people showed up at the castle, the harder she trained. She'd mastered a variety of weapons in the process. Dirk would probably be more proud of her than any of them, if he had to guess, but it wasn't like they'd ever know now. 

Sieg didn't feel tired. He had in fact spent the entire day sleeping, even though it was more like his body just shut down. Even so, he plopped down on his bed and closed his eyes, doing his best to clear his mind. Thinking about Dirk wasn't going to help him at all. 

"Are you sure you want to sleep?" asked Jale. 

"Sheesh. I'm damned if I don't sleep and damned if I do. You think I can't do anything right?" 

That fit came out of nowhere, and the normally composed Jale actually looked startled. It was, in fact, similar to a look he would get if his mom scolded him. Sieg was sorry the moment he stopped speaking. 

"Should I... leave you alone?" 

"No! I mean, damn it. I dunno what came over me. I'm sorry.

"It's pretty obvious, right? That I just ain't been my old self lately. Sorry to worry you." 

"I'm not worried," said Jale, taking a seat beside Sieg on the bed. Like they had in the forest, Jale laced his fingers in Sieg's. His cheeks had the slightest tint of red to them, though his words never faltered. "You'll pull through this, just like anything else." 

"You're bound to figure it out, so I got something that I gotta confess." 

Once again, Jale seemed startled by Sieg's words, though this time he managed to keep his eyes averted. He's been pretty jumpy as of late. Sieg had to wonder if he had some secrets of his own. Well, it was obvious that he did, but Sieg wasn't one to pry. If Jale wanted to talk about it then he would. That's all there was to it.

Even so, it got a chuckle out of Sieg. "What's that look for, huh? Ya'd think I was gonna say that Maybelle and I are getting eloped, or somethin'." 

"Don't even joke about that." The underlying malice in that tone felt like a punch in the gut. He knew Maybelle irritated Jale, but didn't know she was some sort of sore spot. Huh.

"Point taken. Well, umm, the thing is, I sort of get these nightmares... "

"I thought as much," said Jale, actually having walked in on him having one. "They must be pretty bad if you of all people can't sleep through them." 

"The most annoying thing about 'em is how ridiculous they are! For about a month now, every damn night I went to bed and I saw Dirk. Always askin' me 'what was it all for?' and such. He... he knew damn well what it was all for. But then I relive him dyin', like I hadn't done that enough durin' the war, when every damn time I saw that miserable old kook's face I... I was reminded of Dirk, and Cougar, and the Magedom. And why now? It's all over." 

He may have squeezed Jale's hand just a bit, or that may have actually been Jale doing the squeezing. It didn't matter. Jale's fingers were starting to tingle, though, and his chest was tight. And there was really no telling what mixed bag of emotion was stirring inside of Sieg. His eyes were on the verge of swimming, though he paused his rant to halt the tears undoubtedly. Come to think of it, Sieg didn't allow himself to cry much during the war, and whenever he did he felt guilty, called himself a fool. There was nothing foolish about what he felt, and he never judged anyone's sadness but his own. 

"I don't regret anything. That's what my mind tells me, but the more I dream, the more my mind and my feelings don't match. I-I couldn't win 'em all. I failed Dirk. I may have even failed Cougar, and the Magedom. Atrie, he told me I couldn't dwell on it, and he was right. 

"So why do I still feel this way? Damn it!" 

He threw his free arm over his eyes and cried. Jale didn't leave his side, but he kept his words to himself. There was nothing he could think to say anyway. Sieg already seemed aware that his past actions were absolute, and they were probably all he could do. If anything, he was almost too compassionate for the role he played, but it was that very compassion that drew so many people toward him in the first place. It was also that compassion that saved so many lives. Jale himself wouldn't be sitting there if all of the star bearers released the marks at once. He couldn't make the decision to lead over a hundred people into their instant demise, thus came up with a better solution. It was something to be proud of. 

"I think I understand why Eunice sent you home," said Jale, once Sieg's breathing calmed to an occasional hiccup. 

"W-why's that?" said Sieg, rubbing his eyes and nose with an old rag, and making a pointed effort not to look at Jale. 

"You haven't been afforded the opportunity to let any of this go yet. It's making you sick." 

"That's basically what she said." He took a deep breath and sighed. "Said I've been too strong for too long, or somethin'. And I told her thanks, but I don't need a therapist. Guess I owe her an apology, too." 

"I think a successful recovery would do." 

That being said, Sieg yanked off his shoes and rolled over on his side. There was no telling when he fell asleep successfully, but Jale didn't hear so much as a stir until he himself drifted to sleep on his own.

\---

_"What's it all for, Sieg? Why are you so addicted to power?"_

_"It ain't about power, you idiot. It's about fighting for those who can't fight for themselves."_

_"Don't give me that garbage. What good is power if you wield it foolishly?"_

_"Funny. The only fool I see here's you!"_

_"Tell that to everyone you failed to save. You bit off more than you could chew, and millions of people died._

_"If you had just accepted things as they were, none of this would have happened."_

_"You can't possibly know that! We don't know the future 'til it comes!"_

_"So you say, but that little philosophy of yours murdered nations. Worlds, even. And you have to live with that."_

_"Shut up!_

_"Just shut up already! The only way I woulda failed 'em is if I'd given up. I don't have any regrets."_

_"Yet their loss still weighs you down. You are a disgrace."_

_"SHUT. UP."_

\---

Sieg often wound up somewhere between a dream and an internal dialog, mostly with Dirk berating him regardless. Sometimes he couldn't make out which was what, but this particular back and forth left him cold from the pit of his chest to his fingertips. He swore up and down that he didn't have any regrets. There were things that simply could not be helped. Things that simply were not his fault. Yet when this block of ice froze over his heart like this, they might as well have been. He should have known simply talking about it, crying about it, wouldn't make it stop. 

He had to admit, though, it made it a bit easier. It was easier to see the fallacy, to acknowledge it as such. He supposed it was a step in the right direction, but the stars had long since come out, and he wasn't getting to sleep anytime soon.

"You awake, Jale?" 

There was no answer, so it was safe to assume not.

Sieg lit a candle and rolled out of bed once clearing his mind became far too much of a chore. If he was going to be like this then it was probably time he took up a hobby, or something. He didn't like reading too much, and he couldn't sing on key. That was about as far down the list of potential hobbies he got before Jale caught his eye, snoozing on the floor. He'd already kicked half of his covers away, and his bangs were all over his face. He was a bit of a fussy sleeper.

Although he wasn't sure exactly what compelled him to do so, Sieg kneeled down in front of Jale and pushed his bangs out of his face. His eyelashes were really long, his skin was smooth beside the eyes, and his lips were full and closed, and Sieg caught himself before running his fingers over those. Really, it wasn't so wrong to look at his friend and acknowledge him for the good-looking, well, gorgeous really, person that he was. What was wrong was the thudding in his chest, the heat prickling through his body, and the urge to... he didn't even know what. His mind just kind of died there. 

"Is something the matter?" said Jale, those pretty lashes fluttering open. Sieg was positively squirming at the moment. 

"I didn't mean to wake ya. I just got a lot goin' on in my mind." 

"Like what?" Jale sat up, and the sudden proximity sent Sieg into shock. Well, not quite, though he was fairly certain his friend wasn't supposed to make his gut lurch like that. 

"Nothin' important. Just forget it." 

Jale wasn't the forgetful type, though. He could be the quiet type, occasionally the tongue-in-cheek type. He wasn't forgetful, and didn't rest too easy knowing his friends were troubled somehow. There really wasn't anything he could say at this point to convince Jale that he was fine, that he really didn't need those deep amber eyes offering him concern and love. Then there was nothing he could say to convince Jale that he didn't like how that strong palm of his warmed his cheek as it rested there. He just closed his eyes and let himself feel whatever this was, and the thoughts just seemed to vanish beneath the sound of his heartbeat. 

He felt Jale's forehead touch his, and could feel his breathing upon his lips. By the stars he could taste Jale's every exhale, and every bit of him was burning. He wanted to touch those lips just moments before, though hadn't thought of touching them with his own. 

That was, until he inched in, and Jale filled the gap, cutting off his thought process once and for all with a kiss that made it all go away, even if just for a moment. All there was were plump, precious lips that spread fire through him. They were wet and fit his like a missing puzzle piece. He didn't really know what to do with his hands, and was afraid to open his eyes, as though the simple act of seeing would make this disappear. That was OK, because once Jale figured out that this was OK he became more bold with his hands, raising the other to Sieg's cheek as he slid out his tongue in an effort to deepen the kiss. 

Sieg gasped when that tongue slid into his mouth, prodding against his own unsure tongue. It wasn't like he didn't know that people did this, but actually feeling it was something else. He moved his own tongue against Jale's, enjoying the taste, the friction, the heat. Oh, his head must have been on fire, but it was so damn good. They must have been like that for a good, long while, because when they pulled away they were both short of breath. Sieg's eyes flew open, and Jale was indeed in a similar state of heat, wet lips, and breathlessness. It was real. It was wonderful. 

"My-my heart's poundin'" said Sieg, needing to fill the silence with something other than the sound of their labored breathing. It was enough to make his head spin. 

Jale grabbed him by both of his arms and pulled him into the biggest, warmest hug he had ever had. Those powerful arms circled Sieg's shoulders and held on tight, like he was the most important thing in the world. Heck, after a kiss like that he wouldn't doubt it. 

They didn't really exchange words for the rest of the night. Anything that needed to be said could just as easily be conveyed with hands and legs and especially lips, and Sieg found that he couldn't think much at all when such a beautiful person loved him like this. 

It was a night too short for Sieg's liking, but it was full of warmth and eventually dreamless sleep. 

END


End file.
